COMMUNICATION: How to Disagree and Still Find Belonging with Certified Master Level Coach Holly TorontoApr 07, 2022
Listen To This Episode If…
You are unsure of how to participate in polarizing conversations because you fear being rejected or ostracized for having different opinions
The last 2 years has been an initiation into having hard conversations with people we love. We’ve all been bombarded with so many polarizing topics that it’s been hard to know how to participate without being rejected or ostracized.
Holly Toronto and I have both been sharing our thoughts on polarizing conversations on our own platforms, but I was so moved by her 3-part post on Instagram that I knew we needed to have a deeper conversation about this topic. What I didn’t realize is that we’d have our own opportunity to have a challenging conversation within our own friendship.
I’m so grateful that with Holly, I was able to practice what I preach. I feel proud that our friendship is one where brave, potentially polarizing conversations can be had and we can still find belonging with each other. We had to call upon our own self-regulatory skills so we could have honest communication with each other.
As Holly wisely shares in this episode, “I want to trust in someone’s honesty rather than their agreement.” And I couldn’t agree more. Culturally, we validate agreement and performative action over understanding and nuance. In this episode, you’ll hear us talk through what that challenging conversation felt like for both of us and all the self-and-co-regulatory skills we had to bring online to hold each other and ourselves accountable.
What You'll Learn in this Episode:
- When we stop looking at issues through the lens of us vs. them, we find humanity and connection with others
- The difference between “understanding” vs. “agreement”
- Seeking the parasympathetic nervous system state in polarizing conversations so you can stand in connection, curiosity and nuance
- Why “fawning” is a sympathetic response to find belonging
- Giving ourselves and others the autonomy to choose how to participate in big issues
- Being brave enough to hold challenging conversations even when you don’t know the outcome
- Holly’s 3-Part Post About Polarity: 1 2 3
- The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt
- Africa Brooke
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Kat Lee is an Intimacy + Relationship Coach, host of The Empowered Curiosity Podcast and Creator of The Heart Lab. She guides pattern-breakers to alchemize their emotions and embody their healing journey to cultivate intimacy as a spiritual practice.
Holly Toronto is a Certified Master Level Coach who has 5 years of experience helping women stop prioritizing other people’s expectations of beauty, belief or behavior so that they can live their life from a place of Wholeness, fully aligned with the truth of who they are.
I facilitate conversations through 1:1 coaching and various community offerings to guide curious humans to remember their True Self - who they are beyond the conditioning, the "shoulds", the trauma stories + the overriding of desires. If you need permission to step into the wholeness of your emotions and Being, let me show you that you’ve been the one holding the pen.